5 Reasons I'm Not Having a Bachelorette Party

A bride-to-be hears a lot of questions, starting immediately after the proposal, getting collectively more stressful as the big day draws closer. One of those questions is that of the bachelorette party. Usually, the maid of honor or the bridesmaids as a group are in charge of said party, but due to the geographic dispersion of my wedding party and young age of my MOH, I've gotten a few questions directly.

I am not having a bachelorette party. This confuses many people, apparently. It does seem like I'm in the great minority online. So, for any other brides considering nixing this tradition, here are my personal reasons for ditching the bachelorette party:

This would end very badly for me.

1. I can't drink.

My religious upbringing's attitude about alcohol was complicated, but I don't see anything morally wrong with drinking now. Getting drunk enough to make regrettable life choices or blackout or vomit... that's another conversation. But regardless of my opinion on the morality of drinking, I have medical conditions that basically ban drinking. From what I've heard, going to a bar or a club when you can't drink is little more than a disappointment.

2. I want nothing to do with... genitalia paraphernalia.

I know some people skip the club and do a house party instead, but no matter the location, bachelorette parties are known for two things. There are a handful of things in life I will be quite happy to never, ever experience; strippers and inappropriate cakes are two of those things.

My life people are all over the place.

3. It's impractical.

I live in Indiana, at the moment. My betrothed lives in Texas. Our wedding party is spread across the country, from Washington to Texas to Indiana to Georgia and more. My closest friends, half of them still in college, are equally spread out. Asking everyone to plan another event in their long-distance wedding trip just seems like an unnecessary hassle for everyone involved.

4. It's expensive.

Truth talk: our wedding budget is $10,000. Our honeymoon costs roughly $5,000. Every guest coming to this wedding has to consider how they're getting here, where they're staying, what they're wearing, and what they're eating outside of the one fancy dinner at our reception. And none of this includes the beautiful rehearsal dinner my future in-laws are hosting for us.

Weddings cost a crap ton of money. Adding a bachelorette party — with transportation, food and/or drinks, decorations, games, cake, entertainment, whatever people do these days — just bumps the tab up that much higher. While the maid of honor is usually in charge of this party, I have a policy in life: I try never to let someone else pay for something (for me) that I wouldn't pay for myself. A bachelorette party for yours truly is one bill I'd prefer not to ring up.

Now this is my kind of party.

5. It feels weird.

Historically, bachelorette parties were basically fancy tea parties for the local ladies to gossip before one of them gets hitched. They were invented as a counterpart to the already-existing bachelor's party (which was also once much classier). If that were true today, I'd be all over that. Cute dresses! Old fashioned gloves! Pretty china! It could even be Jane Austen themed... actually, if it weren't for point #3, I'd screw modern notions and do this now for the fun of it.

But today, these events are the "bride's last hurrah" as a single woman. I usually love any excuse to throw a party, but this seems a little weird. Bachelor and bachelorette parties usually involve themes of "enjoy it while you still can!" and "last night of freedom!" Does this not seem strange to anyone else? I could say a lot about this, but basically... if your impending marriage comes with prison metaphors or feelings of doom and dread, maybe you shouldn't get married.

So there you have it. There are a few other reasons I'm not doing a bachelorette party, but those are the most important ones. Hope that clears some questions up for curious wedding guests out there.

My lovely readers: are any of you married or engaged? Did you/will you skip the bachelorette party — or have an alternative party, like my tea party idea? Do share in the comments!


  1. I just got married in September, and I didn't do a bachelorette either. The main reason was because my bridesmaids all lived in separate cities and it was too complicated to plan. If we had gotten together, it would've been an afternoon coffee date and/or maybe a hike. The whole traditional drunken and/or genitalia-laden bachelorette doesn't appeal to me either, and that's not the point anyway. The point is you're getting married! Congratulations!

    1. Thank you! Yep, that sums it up nicely. Some traditions just don't fit as well these days, and that's okay.


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