Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Wild Expectations

When I chose "wild" as my One Word for 2015, I wasn't expecting quite what I got.

I wasn't expecting to have convulsions fit for The Exorcism in January. (I haven't actually seen that movie... it just seems like an apt connection.)

I wasn't expecting to be diagnosed as bipolar in February.

I wasn't expecting to have the activist that's always been in me turned to feminism, such an undesired label in my middle school years. (not complaining about that one)

I wasn't expecting to have to drop out of school and go home for a semester because my body and its medications didn't quite get along as expected.

I wasn't expecting my fight against my mental illness to become a daily rollercoaster ride -- the kind that makes you puke up your carnival food, not the kind you want to ride again.

This wasn't the kind of wild I was expecting.

But apparently, this is the kind of wild I get.

I'm not sure what kind of wild I was expecting. Maybe some wildly good writing time. Or a wild time having adventures in the Midwest with my new college buddies. Wild breakthroughs in my art, or my intellectual endeavors. Discovering the wild freedom of determining and embracing who I really am, out and alone in the world for the first time.

I haven't found the kind of wild I wanted this year.

But the year's not over yet.

A note to fellow bloggers: my blogger-friend Kate at majesticgoldenrose is planning to start a new blog chain, and she would love for you to be involved! She's hosting a video-chat Q&A for anyone interested at 2:30 EST, Sunday, May 17 at this link. For more information, check out this flyer.

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