Wednesday, March 23, 2016

The Christian Closet: Micah

Micah


Hello! My name is Micah. I'm a 26-year-old trans man who just recently came out of the closet as pansexual. I tend to go between two different denominations, The United Church of Canada and the Seventh-Day Adventist Church, just depending on how much I want to put up with that week. I have one semester under my belt as a religious studies student at Burman University, although I'm looking to switch to a more non-denominational university in the future, as I want to be a United Church Minister one day.

I hate to say it, but I don't have favourites. I tend to live in the moment and like whatever I'm cohabiting with in the moment. It gets kind of annoying because people call me wishy-washy, but it also makes me really easy to get along with! I love to read and write, though. I probably own two hundred books and I've read 2/3 of them. I enjoy making movies and have made a full-length documentary for the Seventh-Day Adventist church I was affiliated with.

My goal in life is to be a Minister. I am not sure of anything beyond that, as I was kept under fear tactics by my church to believe that same-sex relationships and non-binary genders were not God's will for anyone's life, let alone for someone who had life as good as I did, being a leader in the church.

"I am so much more than my orientation or gender... I am investing so much into getting to know you – please get to know me."


When did you first realize you were pansexual?

I first realized I was not straight when I was about 14-15 years old. I remember the first girl I ever noticed – I was distracted in math class and she walked in front of me, and I was just struck by how beautiful she was. I had romantic feelings for both men and women after that – sometimes I would be more attracted to women, sometimes I would be more attracted to men.


Are you out? When, how, and why did you come out?

I came out in July of 2014. I was struggling a lot with fear, and with shame. I would listen to my former church members beat up on the LGBT population and it would be like they were physically tearing into me. I came out so that, even if I didn't change their views on LGBT people, they would be more careful about who they spoke around.

"I came out so that, even if I didn't change their views on LGBT people, they would be more careful about who they spoke around."

How have Christians hurt you as you struggle with your sexuality?

I think the worst thing anyone's ever dared to say to me about my sexual orientation would be that I was 'leading people off the path to God.' That was actually the straw that broke the camel's back, as it came from a parent of children in my Sabbath School class, who thought it was ok to malign LGBT people because of all they had heard the adults in their lives say. Leaving that church was extremely difficult. I was invested physically, emotionally and spiritually in the lives of the church members, especially the youth. When I left it was like someone reached into my chest and pulled a chunk of my heart out.


How have Christians helped or encouraged you as you struggle with your sexuality?

That's not to say that all Christians are bad. I am very good friends with a pastor at another SDA church in my city and he is probably the biggest ally I have. He sees me for more than just my gender or sexuality. When I first met him, we went to lunch together and he was actually shaking when he told me, “I know you just came out. I don't want to focus on that. I want to focus on knowing you.” We have gone for coffee more times than I can count since then. He always answers my questions. He finds me books to read. He is very much Side B – believing that celibacy is the only way for LGBT Christians – but our relationship is Switzerland. We can talk about anything, and we don't have to worry that the other person is judging.

"He sees me for more than just my gender or sexuality."

What is one thing you wish straight cisgender Christians understood?

I wish that straight cisgender Christians would understand that I am so much more than my orientation or gender. I am a man that loves other men, to be sure, but that's not the extent of my personality. I'm also a man who knits. Who's into Greek Philosophy. I have an outrageous penguin collection. And so much more. I am investing so much into getting to know you – please get to know me.


What is the one sexuality question you're most tired of hearing?

Please stop asking me who my partners are. Like, really, that's none of your business. If I feel like telling you in the future, I'll tell you.


What is your greatest fear about being pansexual?

I think my greatest fear about being pansexual is finding a partner that trusts that I will be faithful in a monogamous relationship. That's a big thing with orientations that are attracted to more than one gender.

"My greatest fear about being pansexual is finding a partner that trusts that I will be faithful in a monogamous relationship."

What is your favorite thing about being pansexual?

My favourite thing about being pansexual is the question “So you go out with pans?” I used to play a drum called steel pan and I would call them our dates when we would practice.


How does your family handle your sexuality?

My family is good with my being pansexual. They want me to be happy. How I find that happiness, as long as it's in a healthy manner, doesn't matter so much.

1 comment:

  1. Wow, it's really disappointing that someone would suggest that you would lead people off the path of God... I think your testimony shows that you're really committed and passionate about the path of God (as vague a term as that may be, anyway). I wish you the best as you work towards being a teacher in the church! :)

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