Wednesday, April 20, 2016

The Christian Closet: Steven Stevens

Steve Stevens


Name: Steven M. Stevens

Age: 27

Gender: Male

Sexual orientation: Gay

Religious denomination: Non-denominational

Education/career: Illustrator

Favorite food: Lasagna

Favorite book: Life of Pi

Favorite movie: Amelie

Favorite color: Do sparkles count? If not, blue.

Hobbies/sports/interests: Drawing, champagne, Pizza, and Pugs (in that order)

Dreams/goals in life: Write and illustrate a children’s book

Myers-Briggs type: Adventurer ISFP


"Being myself for the first time in my life is truly a gift."

When did you first realize you were gay?

I realized when I was in first grade, when a girl had a crush on me, but I had a crush on her twin brother, Billy.

Are you out? If so, when, how, and/or why did you come out? If not, why are you staying in the closet?

I am out of the closet; however, I don’t know if everyone in my life that know me knows. If you’re reading this and don’t know, well, now you know! I came out after I had gotten married, middle of the year 2014. One day my then wife asked me, “Are you happy?” I couldn’t say yes and broke down. It still hurts when I think about the fact I hurt someone so close to me, but I know it was the right decision to come out and hold my head up high and say I’m a gay Christian man. 

How have Christians hurt you as you struggle with your sexuality?

This one is tough. I know a lot of my Christian friends were hurt when I came out because they felt like I lied to them because I was married to a woman. Because of that and other situations, they distanced themselves from me. Which hurt more than if they said they wanted nothing to do with me.
"I know a lot of my Christian friends were hurt when I came out because they felt like I lied to them."

How have Christians helped or encouraged you as you struggle with your sexuality?

I can think of one person in particular who is a very charismatic person and a leader in the church that has hung out with me a couple of times one on one that was happy and very proud of me. I’ve had a lot of college friends reach out as well, with well wishes and encouragement.

What is one thing you wish straight cisgender Christians understood?

If I had a choice about whom I was attracted to, I would do it in a heartbeat, to be accepted. If there were a pill, a surgery, anything at all to be straight, I would be first in line. Also, I am not a pervert or a child molester.

"If I had a choice about whom I was attracted to, I would do it in a heartbeat, to be accepted. If there were a pill, a surgery, anything at all to be straight, I would be first in line."

What is the one sexuality question you're most tired of hearing?

“How do you decide who the woman is in the relationship?” Neither. We’re both guys. 

What is your greatest fear about being gay?

That if certain family members or friends found out, that they’d stop loving me or not want me in their life.

What is your favorite thing about being gay?

How happy I am in life. Everyday is like a deep breath of fresh air. Being myself for the first time in my life is truly a gift.

How does your family handle your sexuality?

I know it’s hard for some family members, like my mom, but she is supportive and coming around slowly, at her pace…and I am happy about that. But I have my sisters, cousins, uncles, and dad’s side of the family that really are overwhelmingly supportive. It’s really tough to write this but it’s important for closeted people that you are not defined by your family, sexual orientation or opinions of others. You have to love yourself first and be happy with the person you were created to be.

"...it’s important for closeted people that you are not defined by your family, sexual orientation or opinions of others. You have to love yourself first and be happy with the person you were created to be."

2 comments:

  1. Wow, that must have been hard, having to be honest with yourself after making a commitment to marriage. Still, I'm glad to hear that you're living more happily now that you're out and that you're content with yourself. I hope that you continue to be happy as you move forward! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you SO much for the encouraging comment, Heather! I went back and forth whether to say anything "publicly" because of criticism but decided to regardless. :-)

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